A week of breakthroughs

Things have been going poorly with Elizabeth's weight, but this week, I tried a new tactic that it has taken me six months to figure out. I make her take a few sips of whole milk before I nurse her. The first day, I got 4 ounces into her. Then four and a half, then six, and five more today. She doesn't want it for the most part and it takes forever and a LOT of sips (like, she practically drinks one drop at a time), but she's doing it. I can't believe it. And I don't think it's a coincidence that she's been bouncing off the walls with energy.

Then today, we had another event of equal magnitude. This being Thursday, we woke up and got ready for bible study--and her nursery class there. She didn't want to go. She started crying when we pulled into the parking lot of the church. But she cried for five minutes and then didn't cry anymore for almost two hours! And she even played and talked to the teachers a little! When I went to pick her up at the end, she wasn't even crying. That's huge.

I've been totally stressing out about both of these issues for a long, long time. It's amazing what a relief these two small steps have brought.

Bibliography on Parenting Books

Being a librarian makes me want to compile bibliographies. So here's a list in alphabetical order of my very favorite parenting books (so far) with short descriptions. Soon I'll make a list of Elizabeth's current favorite books, too.

1. Baby Hearts, by Linda Acredolo and Susan Goodwyn
This one is about emotional intelligence in babies from birth to age 3 by the authors of the book on baby signing. Sound information but not super in-depth on the scientific research, which makes it a pretty quick and easy read. Published in 2005.

2. The Fussy Baby Book. Parenting Your High-Need Child From Birth to Age Five, by William and Martha Sears
Thank goodness there is a book on high-need babies so I know I'm not insane. Also great if your parenting style isn't the same as most of the people around you. High-need children come as they are and need extremely high nurturing parenting. Describes all the wonderful qualities high-need children have to offer, especially as they grow. Very encouraging.

3. Grace Based Parenting, by Tim Kimmel
Tim Kimmel points out all the ways God handles us with infinite grace as our heavenly Father and ways to reflect that to our children as well. Great book for seeing the big picture of parenting.

4. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
How to save yourself and your kids energy and gain cooperation by learning good communication techniques (that are useful for communicating with anyone!). Extremely practical and down to earth with lots of realistic scenarios and practice exercises. I knew I would love this book when I read the first sentence--"I was a wonderful parent before I had children."

5. Positive Discipline, by Jane Nelsen
Using positive techniques (such as training, natural consequences, evaluation) and principles of mutual respect for discipline. Also explains the long-term negative effects of punishment and how to take advantage of opportunities to teach responsibility.

6. Waiting for Birdy, by Catherine Newman
A novel about a woman with a toddler and one on the way. It follows her story through the baby's birth and newbornhood. It's hilarious because it's true.

7. What's Going on In There? How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life, by Lise Eliot
I can't resist these kinds of books--I just love getting a little glimpse of how babies put things together. This book has lots of research (prenatally and after birth) on the senses, social emotional growth, language, and intelligence. Paperback version published in 2000.

8. Your Child's Growing Mind, by Jane M. Healy
Great scientific, but still readable, information about how babies through teenagers learn. How learning (memory, language, reading skills) builds on itself and good developmental timetables for what to expect. First published in 1987, updated in 1994 and 2004.

Honorable Mentions
9. Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, by Norma Jane Bumgarner
I never ever planned to be nursing a toddler. This book helped me make the transition and feel happy about my decision.

10. The No-Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley
I really like this book and I like Elizabeth Pantley's advice. No sleep book has been The One for us, but this is by far the best of our bunch--and the most realistic. Completely and utterly opposite philosophy from Babywise and much softer than Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.

So that didn't go well...

Elizabeth's first day at nursery while I started Community Bible Study was basically as much of a train wreck as I was worried it would be. Poor Elizabeth! Poor me! I was super nervous on the way, but when I arrived at her room and mentioned that she would not take the separation well, they told me to hand her off quickly and leave. So I did, despite that she started panicking the second she was out of my arms. They were very nice and told me she'd be okay. As I walked away listening to her screaming in complete terror, I told myself not to cry. I sat in the lobby for a few minutes just waiting for one of the nursery workers to try and find me. My eyes kept watering up on me anyway.

The study started a little while after that, and every time the door opened I couldn't help but wonder if it was about her! But after 15 or 20 minutes, I started to relax just slightly. That was when they actually DID come for me, handed me her things, and told me we'd try again next week. Oh no! It was that bad that we needed to go straight home? Yikes. She wasn't actually in her room and it took a few minutes to find her with one of the aides who was there to help with the cryers. After she calmed down, I decided to take her back in the room and sit with her, so as not to end things on a bad note entirely. She was okay as long as she was either on my lap or right next to me with her red eyes and puffy little face.

Elizabeth has been like this from the time she was about three months old--she is not distractable. The good news is that the teachers are very good and that next week, I have a plan to sit with her for ten minutes before I say goodbye and leave. Then I'll come back in ten more minutes if she can't calm down. Rocky start, but we're going to work on it.

All the crying wore her out. She fell asleep on the way home. But by the time she woke up from her nap, we were both much, much recovered.

Just some pics for fun

I've been in a major picture-taking mood. Unfortunately, my camera isn't doing so well. The lens doesn't close anymore and sometimes I have to pinch it together where the body is coming apart so that it will download properly, but I persevere!

This is Elizabeth's new tricycle from Target. Her legs are just slightly too short to pedal, but she LOVES it and makes me push her up and down our street until my back starts to burn.


Notice the doll stroller in the background, which she LOVES to push around the neighborhood...


My current favorite picture! I am beside myself with pigtails right now.


Per another mom's advice, I went to Michael's and bought like a million rolls of thin ribbon (3 or $1!) so I could have all different colors and not worry if they get lost!


Preparing to kiss her baby...


And the kiss itself!


Also, tomorrow I start CBS (Community Bible Study), which means that Elizabeth will be in a preschool/nursery type setting on her own really for the first time. I'm pretty nervous that she's going to object. I already forewarned her teacher that things are not likely to go well, but I'm hoping she'll learn to enjoy it after the first few times!

Good Day

There's plenty of hard days, but today was one of those days when being a mother was really fun all day. Elizabeth ate nearly an entire scrambled egg cooked in oil with melted cheddar cheese for breakfast, which kicked things off nicely. Then we had storytime at the mall (she dangled her feet in the mall fountain), a two hour nap, a visit from Aunt Lindsay, and gymnastics. At gymnastics she swung on the big trapeze four times and climbed the 'rock wall' up to the slide by herself for the first time. At the end she hugged her teacher and told her 'bye bye', which is such big progress. After we got home, she ate a pretty big bowl of zucchini soup (GREEN vegetables!), went on a bike ride with Jon, took a bath and laughed when I washed her hair, and went right to sleep. It doesn't get much better than that. And throughout all that were lots of hugs and smiles and reading her favorite books many, many times.

She even took her baby doll for a swim in her little pool and didn't complain when I didn't let her bring her to bed because she's all wet. So now I have to go try to dry her out, because Elizabeth is sure to ask for her as soon as she wakes up in the morning.

The wonderful selfishness of kids

I'm reading A Praying Life by Paul Miller. I just got to an example of how we need to pray like little children in a way I never thought of before. Here's a passage:

Little children never get frozen by their selfishness. Like the disciples, they come just as they are, totally self-absorbed. They seldom get it right. As parents or friends, we know all that. In fact, we are delighted (most of the time!) to find out what is on their little hearts. We don't scold them for being self-absorbed or fearful. That is just who they are.

That's certainly how Jill and I responded to [our daughter] Kim. We were uncertain whether she would ever be able to walk, so when she took her first step at three years old, we didn't say, "Kim that was all very well and good, but you are two years late. You have a lot of catching up to do, including long-range walking, not to mention running, skipping, and jumping." We screamed; we yelled; we jumped up and down. The family came rushing in to find out what had happened. Cameras came out, and Kim repeated her triumph. It was awesome.

This is the gospel, the welcoming heart of God. God also cheers when we come to him with our wobbling, unsteady prayers....So instead of being paralyzed by who you are, begin with who you are. That's how the gospel works. God begins with you.

Is the Ear Infection Going Away?

Yesterday we had our 18-month well baby check at the pediatrician's office. I was my usual nervous wreck for her weigh-in and Elizabeth's subsequent screaming through the entire visit. The news was mixed: she gained 7 oz. to maintain her current growth percentile at 20lbs, 5oz, which was the good news, but she has a double ear infection. Grrrr. There's always something, isn't there?

I've been suspecting either teething or an ear infection for three days, so I wasn't very surprised. We've decided not to give her antibiotics for the time being because she has no fever, seems to be improving a little, and I'm nervous with her sensitive system that she might get diarrhea and diaper rash as a result of the medicine. Which would make the cure worse than the ailment! She slept pretty well last night, so I'm really hoping she is kicking it on her own.

These visits wear me out because they're never quite as positive as I hope they'll be. I remember the very early doctor visits when she was gaining lots of weight and it was so fun to see how much she was growing. These days, I'm physically exhausted by the end from holding a child who cries through EVERY appointment. So in times like these, I immediately go home and make a Duncan Hines cake and DEVOUR every bite. This time I shared some with Jon, but I have one piece left from yesterday and since Elizabeth is taking a nap, I'm about to go eat it. :-)

I also like to think about how fun she usually is. After her nap yesterday, we went outside and played in the sprinkler. She loves to run around naked and dip her head in the stream of water. Then she laughs and shivers and comes to give me a big wet hug. I end up nearly as wet as her, but it's so cute that I don't care (much). It's awesome. I'll do almost anything for those smiles.



*UPDATE on Sunday, August 23rd:
We had our good friend Jeffrey, who is an ENT, look at Elizabeth's ears after church today. The ear infection has cleared up! Yay. Just teething now- I can actually see the tip of one just starting to come through. Elizabeth HATES having her ears checked, but Jeffrey and his wife Katie spent a long time using the otoscope to look in her baby's ears first (and each others') to try and ease her into it, with some success. She still cried, but not as hard as she does at the doctor's office....

Some (semi) notable developments in Elizabeth's life

It has been ages since I updated my blog. I was afraid this would happen because I'm a little manic- I can't think of anything to say for weeks at a time but then suddenly feel like making 3 posts in a day, but restrain myself because I think it might be too many. Here's some of the things Elizabeth has been up to that I find interesting as her mother:

1. She squeaked by her last doctor's appointment weigh in with (finally!) a 5 oz. gain, maintaining her growth percentile and narrowly avoiding a trip to children's hospital for a blood draw. Phew. We have sort-of-good food days and not-very-good food days (where she would prefer all of her calories via breastmilk). Today was good! She ate an entire baby yogurt for breakfast, not that much at lunch, but 2 chicken nuggets for dinner, and various snacks including ice cream and a fruit twist in between!

2. Tonight she really got the hang of jumping. She gets in the air now. She's been able to do it every now and then for a couple of weeks, but tonight she seemed to start doing it consistently. Her practice is paying off and she loves it. She also swings on the big trapeze at gymnastics and can hold on for several seconds. See below for a video clip.

3. During baths and at swimming lessons, she blows bubbles in the water! It's so cute because after she does it she looks up at me to make sure I saw what she did and gives me a huge smile.

4. Her new thing at night is that she likes to fall asleep propped up on a big, soft, fluffy pillow. I love watching her fall asleep. I guess she finds the pillow nice and comfy because she does actually fall asleep faster. She's been sleeping a little better lately. Several days a week I feel rested when morning comes, and the days I don't it's because I felt so good the day before that I stayed up too late. :-)

5. She just got over a small cold. It wasn't a big deal, but a couple of times I used saline and suctioned her nose to help her breathe, and she LOVES it. She cries when I put the saline spray away. She does the saline and suction on her baby doll, too (and pats her own chest and calls herself 'mama'). The baby is extremely well-cared for. Her finger nails were clipped this morning and she played in the sprinkler and went down the slide after her snack this afternoon.

6. Elizabeth loves to put my shoes on (or Jon's) and walk around the house. Especially if they are flip flops or thong sandals. But she also really likes a pair of black patent flats. She puts on her own shoes by herself now, too.

Overall, this is just my favorite age yet! Especially with the concern of her weight being lifted a little and her molars in, I'm having such a great time with her. She is putting lots of words together and seems on the edge of taking it to the next level. I can't wait. One of her favorite activities is watching home video clips on the computer of herself and her friends and cousins. Also, I personally have made the adjustment from my preexisting expectations that I would be done nursing by this point and am truly enjoying it right now--it's so different nursing a toddler than it is an infant, and I know it won't be long in the grand scheme.

Well, hopefully it will not be another month before I think of more to write! Until then, here's the trapeze video:

On the trapeze! 7/29/09 from Jodi VanMeter on Vimeo.

Elizabeth first joke

She just started doing this in the past week or so. She loves hats, but she'll take a random object that she finds laying around (like her doll or a piece of clothing) and put it on her head and say, "Hat, hat!" Then she bursts out giggling. :-)

We got back from Jon's parents' house on Wednesday so they'll be a post about our trip soon, too. Elizabeth had a great time, especially hanging out with all her cousins. Here's a quick picture from Frederick:

Why won't she EAT?!

Today I took Elizabeth to the local nursing store where they weigh babies for free and the lactation consultants are there to talk. Elizabeth hasn't gained any weight in the past 3 weeks, despite following her around at every moment of every day pleading with her to eat various high calorie foods! So much for that. Of course, having the roseola virus last week didn't help the cause. But the lactation consultant was extremely reassuring that all is well and that despite the lack of weight gain, Elizabeth is happy and healthy and that there's nothing I can do to make her eat any more until she decides she wants it.

So I was feeling upset, but reasonably calm until I came home and made a huge mistake--I plotted her current weight on the growth chart and saw that she dropped a bit further (10% to 6%). Then I proceeded to freak out. Why won't she just eat?! It's driving me crazy, especially because her weight has been an issue since she was in the WOMB and measuring small. Rationally, I totally understand that she's meant to be a small person, doesn't seem to have any underlying oral/sensory/physical issues, eats like a bird, is extremely active, and meets or exceeds all her developmental milestones. But then I see that darn number and I just want her to GROW!!!

So another exercise in letting go of my worry and trusting in the Lord, which I am so far handling in a pitifully anxious way. Her follow-up appointment with the pediatrician is on Monday so we'll see what he has to say. But all of the above is just further evidence to conclude that this parenthood is way harder than I thought it would be (and I thought it would be pretty hard)! And we haven't even had anything actually truly wrong yet!

Spring Fever

Elizabeth has been sick! She may have caught something on the way to or from Boston past weekend where we went to visit friends on a last minute whim. The past few days she's had a fever and been a little out of sorts. Friday it was 103.7! But overall, she's held up remarkably well. The infant motrin helps! Today the fever was gone and she's on the mend. Hopefully, she'll get really good long stretches of sleep tonight, although I never hold my breath for that.

Yesterday, two friends and I had a garage sale at our house. It was my first experience putting on a garage sale ever. The weather couldn't have been any more beautiful (warm and sunny, but not hot). It was such a good day for a yard sale, in fact, that pretty much everyone in the county was also having one. This means that the traffic wasn't fantastic because there were just sooooooo many to choose from, but we did get rid of quite a bit of stuff and made a bit of spending money. I thought we had an amazing selection of quality items. Almost everyone who stopped did end up buying something. Poor Elizabeth had fun but I think all the excitement wore her out in her sickness and she went to bed super early. One thing is for sure, though-- yard sales are a lot of work! I had no idea so much goes into them.

Other than that, we are trying to enjoy every minute of Jon's break and wishing we had longer before it ends. Elizabeth is still resisting eating any good quantity of food, of course. My friend Kristen says she's put herself on a supermodel diet. Mostly, I spend my days following her around with a variety of options trying to get her to eat. So really I'm ending up eating quite a bit more than usual, I think. :-)

*UPDATE! We think Elizabeth had roseola because she got a rash on her back and chest/tummy 48 hours after the fever went away. Apparently almost all kids get it before kindergarten and then they develop the immunity, so she was going to get it sooner or later. Cross that virus off the list!

Tinkle, tinkle...

Jon and I and my sister Lindsay were sitting in the living room this afternoon when we heard Elizabeth, who was playing on the floor by her dollhouse, say, "Poopoo, poopoo," (which actually means peepee).Then we heard the sound of her peeing on the wood floor. She was wearing shorts and the stream basically missed the fabric. And I said, "Oh, yeah. I forgot to put a new diaper back on her."

I wish I could say this is the first time, but sadly, we seem to get distracted sometimes after we take a wet one off....

We had a good laugh, though. If only she'd make the connection with USING her little potty instead of just liking to stand on it.

Memorial Day

We spent Memorial Day weekend in Mansfield, OH for Jon's annaul extended family reunion. Jon has an amazing family, so it's always so fun to get to hang out with everyone. This weekend was especially nice because Elizabeth isn't quite as high maintenance as she was last year at this time, so we were able to do a little more real 'hanging out'. Plus, the hotel had a cute little water park that all the kids loved, so we spent a lot of time with her in the pool. She absolutely loved it! We'd tell her when we were about to go swimming and she'd go crazy and start running all over the room saying, "Swimmeeee, swimmeeee!!" I was proud that our little Queen of Caution jumped in and went ALL the way under, like, a million times and seemed to enjoy it! (Yay for all those swimming lessons.)

Last week was Elizabeth's 15-month-appointment for her well baby checkup. It all went fine, if you don't count that she screamed through the entire thing from the moment we got in the room until we left. And that her weight didn't really go up much. For her age, she is in the 10th percentile for weight and the 90th for head circumference. I wonder if that's a very common combination? So now we have to count her calories to try and plump her up a little for a few weeks. This girl's weight has been the vein of my existence since she was in the womb. She's a petite little person, plus she isn't really that into eating, especially when she's so busy running around AND getting molars. But I think we've managed to get some extra calories in her lately. How many 1-year-olds get to eat all the ice cream they want? And she still doesn't really care either way about it.

So, overall we are immensely enjoying Jon's time off and trying to savor every second before he starts his intern year at the end of June. It's been so wonderful having him home. Elizabeth is beside herself. :-) And on top of all these things, we got DVR today so I won't have to miss So You Think You Can Dance and The Bachelorette due to putting Elizabeth in bed anymore. Yay!

Important Events

This weekend, we celebrated two special occasions. First, Jon graduated from medical school on Saturday. His parents came down for it (mine wanted to, but my sister Lindsay's graduation from law school was the same weekend in NC). All the pictures are on Jon's dad's camera, so it may be awhile before I get them to post some here. Now the phase of residency begins. It's hard to believe that all the hard work to become a doctor is paying off and he is now going to be a dermatologist. It certainly wasn't an easy four years for either of us. Yay for Jon!

The other event was Mother's Day on Sunday, which is my second since Elizabeth was born. I read an article by Al Mohler the other day about how Mother's Day is a bad idea because of it's superficial nature. He also distinguishes between deserving and undeserving mothers. The paragraph said (of the deserving ones), "These mothers deserve honor upon honor, and their reward will be great in heaven. Yet, in the meantime, a card and a kiss on Mother's Day won't hurt. It's just not nearly enough. "

To be honest, up until that last part, he really didn't have me. :-) I was talking to a friend who was telling me that she and her husband and baby spent most of the day traveling about fulfilling their obligations to visit their mothers, even though it meant not much of a Mother's Day for her. She thinks it should be about a break for the mothers currently in the active phase of childrearing. That doesn't seem incompatible with Al Mohler's end point, does it? I hope not, because it sounds perfect. Unfortunately, I have to confess that I occassionally need a pat on the back and a break. It makes me feel a little guilty to want and need that! But I do, and sometimes I ask for it! But however selfish my need for praise is, God always graciously provides it.

Happy Mother's Day to all, but especially my fellow moms 'in the trenches'! And Happy Graduation, Jon!

Happy Derby Day

Today is the 135th running of the Kentucky Derby. I like the Derby because it's only about 2 minutes long and then we can all move on to dinner. And it's very exciting to watch.

Yesterday we took Elizabeth to her weekly swimming lesson. I sat on the sidelines and watched while Jon took her in the pool. Every week, she has more fun. Her instructor commented on her excellent hand-eye coordination with the balls that they 'swim' to retrieve and then throw into the basket. Plus, she had water poured over her head in the waterfall and was dunked under the water for the second time. I can't say she enjoyed that part, but she recovered quite quickly. She especially loved sitting on the edge and jumping in for Jon to catch her this week.

We were almost late to the lesson so I didn't have time to grab the camera, but here are some pictures from gymnastics the day before, which she is absolutely loving!